11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
