I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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