I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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