I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
