I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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