Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize