just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize