You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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