Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
