I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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