no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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