I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
