oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
