You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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