I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
