Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
