I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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