i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
