Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
