it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Randomize
