Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
