Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
