Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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