i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
