Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Panties = found
Randomize
