Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
