She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
