i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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