This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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