why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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