when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
now i know why i became what i already was.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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