batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
