Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
They should really pass out barf bags in church
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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