Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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