Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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