It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
