Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
