fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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