Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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