It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
