I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
