Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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