It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
