Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
