i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
