hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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