It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Can you bring me the toilet please
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
