She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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