I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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