I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
