I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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