The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
