Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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