My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
