oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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