I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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