do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
