how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
