You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
