I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I intend to get homeless drunk
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
