it hurts more in the daytime
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
