True but thats because hes a fetus.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Randomize
