Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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