I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
