I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
