HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
