Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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