I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
