Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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