My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
