time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
