I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
