I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
