True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
