Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
