we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
