I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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