I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
