so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
