i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize