remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
