He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
