i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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