Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Boobs are out for the taking
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
