So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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