She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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