I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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