you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
