that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you have to choose: penises or morals?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
