My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
