So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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