He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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