The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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