It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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