Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
