it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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