yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize