Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
