Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
