Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
