Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
