So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize