I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
