her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
