how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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