is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
