i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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