Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
