If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
