The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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