nut hugger
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
