Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
