i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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