I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
