This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
